Grief

Grief is a funny thing. After someone dies, life still goes on in the world around us. It is kind of like when we brought Emma home-- all these people were just getting gas and driving to work. Didn't they know we were driving home with our first baby? 

When my mother died, life had to go on. I had to go to school. Laundry. Dishes. You still have to get gas. You have gas. ;) Doctor appointments. You have to feed your dog. 

Life was pretty busy for me in 2009 and I didn't really have time to process what had just happened. I'll never forget that The Wizard of Oz was on that night, and Nathan & I watched Desperate Housewives together while I did homework. 

Since becoming a mother, a whole new wave of emotions has hit me. I now understand the love my mom had for me, the love my grandmother had for her . . . The worries, the newness, the craziness, the mess. I now understand why she always made me call her before bed when I was away from her, or always use sunscreen. 

It kind of hit me the other day. Bath & Body Works is selling their "throwback" products and her favorite scent is one of them. It brought right me back. It's a tangible thing that she used. And I can get my hands on some. 

I don't have many things of hers. 2 hoodies and a dog. This is a huge for me! So I had to go to the store and buy all the Cucumber Melon products they had. :-) 

It's sort of like when my dad goes to the Altamonte Mall. He parks in the upstairs Dillards parking lot. That's where she parked. Every time. We always parked there. It's crazy to think that place still exists. It's a physical place she went. I want to go back there and just soak it all in.

Womp womp. But we are pretty blessed with a certain toddler . . . who is also obsessed with a certain poodle. . . which I think is no coincidence!

God sure blessed us.